Business Starting Grants

What business ideas would you like to tout on Dragons Den?

I'd like to start a business where a bunch of smug tossers sit around picking holes in people until they find someone who has an idea they can muscle in on for a pittance. I'm looking for £10,000,000 for a 100% stake.

Public Comments

1. Only £10,000,000 for a 100% stake? You going soft on us, Penfold?
2. I have invented a series of games called "Dungeons and Dragons" Where the general public kidnap the Dragons whilst donned in a balaclava, and drag them all into a cosy smug dungeon. However, they can only be freed when their Solicitors hand over a tidy ransom in part exchange for one of these arrogant @rseholes. If we don't get what we want, then we get to torture them by tickling them to death with their own tongues, deal done! Can't fail. EDIT~ BOB that's not MDK that's paper mache or compost and the reason I'M OUT! *knocks BOB over the head and steals his plans*
3. I would suggest that we set up kelp farms to grow vast quantities of kelp that we can then harvest and turn into paper, cardboard and Medium Density Kelpboard. I'm sure that kelp is pretty fast growing and it must be some kind of cellulose, cellular matrix. Alternatively, we could collect millions of tons of grass clippings and turn that into paper and stuff. Better than chopping down trees what??? I want £30,000,000 for a 150% stake.
4. Lifestyle coaching services for the smug tossers you describe. I simply charge £200 per hour to tell my clients their decisions are marvellous and to fawn over them in a sycophantic way. Mr Bear, you truly deserve the 100% return on that investment. *Strokes fur encouragingly*
5. My L.W.F.W.C.P.I scheme, or "Lose Weight Fast with Controlled Parasite Infestation". Just grow a Genetically Enhanced Tapeworm in your lower intestine, for between 6 weeks, and 3 months, then order my Special Worming Tablets, for Genetically Enhanced Tapeworms, and stop, when you are at your Optimum Weight.